Neal’s milestones box

At the end of Caffrey Flashback, Neal receives an item left to him by Byron. It’s something Silbrith and I refer to as a milestones box. In our stories, Neal uses it to store mementoes of his successes or of significant moments in his life. In a reference back to canon, Neal uses origami to represent those milestones, and Silbrith has been collecting amazing examples of origami for her Pinterest boards.

When I wrote the chapter introducing that milestones box, I shared with Silbrith how it was based on something in my own life, and she encouraged me to explain its origins in my chapter notes. However, I never got around to describing those origins, partly because I wasn’t ready to share the story with a wider audience. But now I am.

Warning for spoilers for Caffrey Flashback

As I’ve written in previous posts, much of my inspiration to write and publish fan fiction came from my experiences when my mother learned she had cancer, then thought she had beaten it, and finally learned that she had only weeks to live. I worked through some of my grief by transposing her experiences onto the character of Byron Ellington, and by showing the characters around him dealing with his decline, death and funeral.

However, before I was able to write those scenes, I found other coping mechanisms. One of those was my version of a milestones box.

After Mom’s funeral, sometimes it was incredibly difficult to face the mundane, day-to-day aspects of life without my mother. Who cared if the housework got done? What was the point of doing some small task that got me a little closer to my long-term goals now that she wasn’t around to cheer me on?

In the weeks before Mom’s death, I had the opportunity to visit the offices of an amazing group of people who teach Agile and Scrum methodologies. They showed me how they used visual aids to make it apparent to everyone how they were doing on their projects by writing their tasks on sticky notes which were moved from one column to the next along the walls. Each day sticky notes moved from pending to in progress and finally to done. Then they pointed out that one of the employees had a clear plastic bin filled with origami flowers. When they were ready to take down the sticky notes representing completed tasks, she didn’t throw them out. Instead she transformed them into flowers and placed them in the bin, which they referred to as the “garden of done.” It was a lovely visual representation of all they had accomplished.

It occurred to me a few months later that I needed my own version of a garden of done. I purchased a clear plastic canister and a set of tiny sticky notes in many colors. When I completed something, I wrote it down on a sticky note, folded it over (no origami for uncoordinated me), and then placed the note in the canister. The first week, I wrote down almost everything I did that wasn’t sleeping, eating or going to work. Putting out the trash on garbage pickup day went on a note. So did folding the laundry that had been piling up. The point was to show myself that life went on, and that I was making progress.

In the weeks and months that followed, I used the canister for less mundane things. Trying out a new restaurant got a sticky. Finishing a story in the Caffrey Conversation went in the canister. Going on a vacation, getting a new job, getting through Mom’s first birthday since her death… All of those went into the canister, and I bought even more sticky notes.

When I was writing Caffrey Flashback, I wanted June to give Neal something from Byron in the days after Byron’s funeral. Thinking about his role as a mentor for Neal, it occurred to me that a version of my canister might be a good idea. Byron had spoken to Neal in my story By the Book about the difficulties of giving up his old life and old habits. What if he’d made note of his successes over the years? Suppose Byron wrote them down on scraps of paper and put them in a box. By seeing the box fill up, he could feel confident in his ability to stay on his new path. He could even go through the box sometimes to remember and celebrate his successes. If that worked for Byron, he'd want to share it with Neal.

I even added to that backstory. Byron had been inspired by someone he’d met in a bar. The stranger in the bar – Graham Winslow – described how he had used a box of accomplishments in much the same way I’ve used my canister: to help him cope and move on after the death of his first wife.

My hope as I wrote about the milestones box in Caffrey Flashback was to inspire others to use something like it, or to find their own way of moving forward when life is difficult. By tying the box to Neal, Byron and Graham, I wanted to show multiple characters who all faced setbacks, and who found a way to keep making progress even when it felt like the odds were against them.

Whatever challenges are facing you, I hope you find the means to keep moving forward, and know that I’m rooting for you to succeed!